Can Church Hurt Be Avoided?

We don’t often talk about it or sometimes, it’s all we talk about, but we still struggle to get over the hurdle.

Here’s what I would say: church hurt is a painful reality for many who have stepped through the doors of a church hoping to find healing, only to leave feeling more broken. And it’s a conversation we can’t ignore because even though hurt happens, Jesus is still trustworthy.

You could ask almost anyone who has attended some sort of religious gathering, and just by mentioning the question, you might see their anxiety rise, their mind race toward the ugly truths of their experiences, and sometimes even their body react, their expressions, their words, and their emotions trying to explain the damage they experienced while attending a church that was supposed to glorify God.

A place that was supposed to show them how to build a relationship with Jesus and with others but instead, they got burned, exploited, and now feel like damaged goods.

I have come to realize that there’s a great majority of people who will admit they believe there is a God, and even say they love Him, but they feel so far away from Him. They don’t know how to reconnect their relationship with God without stepping into a church and being surrounded by people they confess they will struggle to trust.

I wasn’t always like this, secure in my faith, confident in my walk, and grounded in my relationship with the greatest treasure of all: Christ. I was so hurt in the mid-2000s that my faith was dwindled down to pure skepticism toward everyone who professed to be a follower of Christ.

I didn’t feel like I was growing in my faith, it was the opposite. Deep down, I started considering leaving the faith altogether, thinking maybe I could find people outside the church who wouldn’t hurt me the way the church had.

Now, I want to be careful. I'm not painting everyone I have known or had a relationship with as responsible for hurting my spiritual growth. That’s not the point.

What I would like to focus on is this: no matter where you go — either a church, some type of group, even personal relationships, someone is going to hurt you.

Church hurt cannot be completely avoided. But one thing is sure and true: Jesus says to all who believe in Him that He can be trusted. Let me explain. Jesus calls us to follow Him and obey His commandments. He says:

·         "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12)

·         "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." (Matthew 18:15)

·         "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another..." (Hebrews 10:24–25)

There’s a deep, meaningful call in these verses but for now, I just want to highlight one thing, being part of the true body of believers. A place where people gather and live out their faith in an authentic, raw, and transparent way.

That’s what a healthy church strives to be. A place that always lifts up Christ in their teaching, in their proclamation of Scripture, and in their love for one another. A church that’s not afraid to walk through the mess of life with you. A place where people pray for one another, walk through pain and suffering together, and continually point to the only One who brings healing and true fulfillment — our greatest treasure: Jesus, our Lord and Savior.

I’ll finish with this: if you’ve been hurt by the church, truly I’m sorry. But I want you to know there is still hope. Healing is promised and possible by our Lord. Not because a perfect church exists, but because a perfect Savior does. Jesus hasn’t abandoned you. His love is steady, even when people fail.

So don’t give up. There are places where the body of Christ is learning, growing, and living out real, raw faith. Maybe, by His grace, you’ll find healing there too.